Sometime after 8:30 pm, on a clear night, last year– Frank and Roberta Scoia were driving their car near a woodsy scenic overlook. Roberta had been watching a star that kept growing larger in the distant sky. Through binoculars Roberta saw it was a UFO. The object came closer, circling them. Frank stopped the car in the middle of the road, got out and watched the descending object. Frank could see movement through the windows. Someone was staring down at him. In a panic, Frank jumped back into the car and sped away. Suddenly, Frank and Roberta heard beeping sounds. Their car seemed to vibrate. A drowsiness came over them — everything faded to black.
Later, Frank and Roberta remembered hearing two sets of beeping sounds again. They then found themselves back in their driveway at home. For many nights afterward, Roberta had nightmares. Frank was afflicted with anxiety and nervous tension. As Roberta’s nightmares continued and Frank grew more and more irritable, they decided to see a therapist specializing in hypnotherapy.
Frank was hypnotized first. They were regressed to the point when they first heard the beeping sounds. An abduction tale emerged, each version corroborating in detail with the other. They remembered being stopped by men in the road who spoke by telepathy, telling the Scoia couple, “Don’t be afraid.” The Scoias felt weak, half asleep. Opening their eyes periodically, they found themselves being carried through the woods and into the UFO they had seen earlier.
Once inside the UFO, Roberta and Frank were separated then seated at tables in adjoining compartments. The abductors brought Frank and Roberta each a tray with several burgers on it. Roberta asked her captors what this was for. The abductors told her they wanted to set up fast food restaurants on their planet (called “2 Legit”) and wanted to see if earthlings liked what they were going to offer. “We will show movies, t.v. shows and best of all, we will have…!” said one of the captors before he was quickly silenced by their leader. Roberta and Frank were then returned to their car. The second series of beeping sounds signaled the end of their captivity.
The therapist determined that the Scoias had indeed witnessed a UFO and that their abduction was a true experience. The therapist recommended “burger therapy,” i.e. that Roberta and Frank recreate the different burgers they tried aboard the UFO.
Frank recently reported that, “Thanks to burger therapy,” he is “calm and relaxed and Roberta is sleeping peacefully through the night.”
1 pound ground beef, organic, grass fed (80-90% fat free)
2 Tbsp. butter, unsalted
fresh mozzarella cheese, (sliced thinly)
fresh basil leaves
8 bread slices (hearty white bread)
Heat a large skillet. Loosely and lightly shape ground beef into 4 patties. To insure juicy, tender burgers, do not pack beef too tightly while shaping into patties. Sprinkle a dash of salt into skillet. Put 2 Tbsp. butter in skillet and melt. Place beef on top. Cook for 4 minutes on medium-high heat. Flip burgers over and flatten out (lightly with a spatula). Cook until juices run clear — about 3-4 minutes or until desired doneness. Place burgers on bread and top with fresh mozzarella cheese, tomato slices, basil (one leaf per burger). Drizzle with a little olive oil. Sprinkle with salt. Top with remaining bread slices. Serve with ketchup, mayo, mustard and pickles (on the side). Makes 4 burgers.