Category Archives: video

The End

Begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end; then stop.

Lewis Carroll

ocean view by Akuokuo Vallis

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Mail Order from Where? (Raita)

“When I first saw Bo-bo in the garden— I thought it was ‘cause I was takin’ them dizzy pills.  I tried to convince myself that Bo-bo was just an alien mirage.  But after a week — when Bo-bo was still there — I figured I should be more hospitable and offer up something to eat.  You should have seen how cute Bo-bo looked gobblin’ up all my homemade raita.”

—Mama Bonnie

Raita

1 1/2 cups plain yogurt

1 garlic clove, minced

1 shallot, diced

1 tomato, chopped

1/2 cucumber, chopped

1/4 tsp. olive oil

1/4 tsp. cumin

1/4 tsp. salt

Mix all ingredients in a bowl.  Cover and refrigerate for at least 1 hour.  Serve.

yogurt by Akuokuo Vallis

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Summer Reading (Egg Salad Sandwich)

The 2011 best-selling oral history of two extraterrestrial sisters, “Making It Our Way:  The Coleman Sisters’ First 250 years,”  was announced as the first book to read in the city’s 13th annual summer reading campaign.  Mayor Antonine Fille and library chief, Min Bon, unveiled the book yesterday at a press conference.

“Making It Our Way” describes the lives of Matilda and Shori Coleman—ET sisters who look back over 250 years, from their birthplace in Ranku-Plentar (planetary outpost) to New Mexico.  Although they were daughters of alien parents, born into slavery,  Shori and Matilda,  nevertheless became well established in their own careers — one as a chef and the other as a lollypop maker.   As a bonus, the sisters even share a prized family Egg Salad Sandwich recipe in the book.

Mayor Fille admitted he has not read the book yet.  However, he commented that his wife has read it.  “She’s even deliciously made  the egg salad sandwich,” reported Fille.  Mayor Fille and the city’s 572,000 other residents will have until June 4 to read the book before the official schedule of events begins.  There will be book discussions at local library branches, a play performed by a theater group made up of émigrés from the former Ranku-Plentar, now simply known as R2,  and even a cooking demonstration.

Min Bon said the memoir, chosen from over 300 titles, was suggested by library staff members and the public because it had the qualities organizers were looking for — universal themes of perseverance, easy reading for young adults and wide availability.  “The book is so enthralling and the egg salad sandwich recipe is sublime!” says Min Bon.  “Plus, it’s a real history lesson.”

Jill Dan, granddaughter of Shori Coleman, was also at the Summer Reading press conference.  She said, “The whole R2 community is proud — but I am especially proud of my pioneering relatives!”

Egg  Salad Sandwich

8 large hard boiled eggs, peeled and chopped

2 scallions, minced

1/2 cup mayonnaise

2 tsp. Dijon mustard

salt

pepper

sandwich bread

lettuce leaves

tomato slices

bacon slices, cooked

Mix eggs, scallions, 1/4 cup mayonnaise and mustard.  Season to taste with salt and pepper.   Spread remaining mayonnaise on bread slices.  Assemble desired number of sandwiches with lettuce, egg salad, tomato and bacon slices. Serve.

eggs by Akuokuo Vallis

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Buri Meller (Southern-Style Greens)

At age 7, while  playing marbles, Buri Meller says he saw a large, stainless steel bowl of Southern-Style Greens hovering in the sky like a space ship. From it radiated a human form of cosmic intelligence.   Meller claims the encounter “conditioned” him — charging him with psychic powers to further the evolution of humankind and prepare earthlings for contact with  galactic neighbors.

Southern-Style Greens

2 lb. kale, thick stalks and stems discarded

1 Tbsp. olive oil

1 onion, peeled, quartered

2 garlic cloves, peeled, sliced in half

1/2  tsp. salt

1/4 tsp. pepper

4 cups water

rice wine vinegar (optional)

hot sauce (optional)

Wash kale in 3 batches of water and tear into bite size pieces.  Drain in large colander. Pre-heat large pot (2-5 minutes).  Pour in olive oil.  Add onion, garlic cloves, salt and pepper.  Stir for 3 minutes.  Add kale in batches.  Stir until kale is completely wilted.  Add water.  Cover and let simmer for 30 to 40 minutes until tender.  Adjust seasonings to taste.  Add a splash of rice wine vinegar and/or hot sauce (optional). Serve.

greens by Akuokuo Vallis

night flight by Akuokuo Vallis

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Haywired (Chocolate Mousse)

My spacecraft  went straight to Earth — landing me in Ghana,  West Africa on a  fair trade, chocolate farm.  Oh… the chocolate mousse they made me!   It was worth the trip.  — Todo

Super Easy Chocolate Mousse

2 1/2 cups heavy cream

2 Tbsp. sugar

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

8 oz. bittersweet chocolate, chopped

Whip 1 1/2 cups heavy cream with sugar and vanilla.  Reserve/set aside about 1/2 cup whipped cream to dollop on top of finished mousse later.  Add remaining (un-whipped) 1 cup heavy cream to a saucepan. Bring to a boil.  Remove from heat.  Add chocolate.  Stir until blended.  Cool to nearly room temperature.  Fold  chocolate into whipped cream to make mousse.   Transfer mousse to 6 glasses or ramekins.  Cover with plastic wrap.  Refrigerate for at least 1 hour.  Serve with reserved whipped cream dolloped on top.

chocolate mousse by Akuokuo Vallis

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Calling (Lima Beans)

“As a man of faith, I see the spiritual beauty in all of us.  Life is about love and lima beans.” —JR Macklin

Lima Beans

2  cups (1 lb.) dried lima beans, rinsed and sorted

5 cups water

1 bay leaf

1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil

1 large onion, peeled, chopped

5 garlic cloves, peeled, chopped

3 Tbsp. heavy cream

salt

pepper

Rinse beans and soak overnight in a large bowl of water (water should cover beans by at least 1 inch—about  5 cups of water).  Next day,  drain beans from soaking water.  Put beans in a large pot.  Add 5  cups of fresh water and a bay leaf.  Bring to a boil.  Reduce heat to a simmer. Remove foam, if any, with a spoon. Continue simmering until tender — about  1+1/2 – 2 hours.   Stir occasionally and add water when necessary.  Meanwhile, heat olive oil in a pot.  Sauté chopped onion in oil for 2 minutes.  Add chopped garlic.  Heat until fragrant  (1 more minute).  Season with salt.  Set aside.  When beans are cooked, remove bay leaf.  Add onion/garlic/olive oil  mixture to beans.   Add heavy cream and season to taste with salt and pepper.  Serve plain or with rice.

lima beans by Akuokuo Vallis

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Brazilian Picnic (Tuna and Trout Sandwiches)

While many people flock to see simulated alien invasions at the movies, people in Brazil have experienced the real deal— firsthand.  Two years ago,  extraterrestrials descended on  Marghinia— a rural town, 390 miles south of Rio de Janeiro.

Brazilian ufologos — as UFO believers in Brazil are known —  say the first ET was spotted near a forest.   Five hours later, a second ET was spotted swimming in a lake.

Paloma Vaiho and her sister, Doria Vaiho, have recently set up a “Snack Shop” at the site where  the alien visitors were first seen.  “We sell mostly picnic items.  Tuna and trout sandwiches always sell out,” explained Paloma.   She added, “Turistas are coming out of the wood work.  We are so popular now!  Soon the whole world will be buying our tuna and trout sandwiches.”

Tuna and Trout Sandwiches

12 oz. tuna, in olive oil, drained

3 oz. smoked trout, flesh removed from bone

1 small shallot, finely grated or minced (optional)

3 Tbsp. mayonnaise

salt

pepper

sliced bread

lettuce

tomatoes

In a large bowl, mix tuna, trout, shallot and mayonnaise. Add a dash of salt and pepper.  Lightly toast bread and assemble sandwiches.  Garnish with tomato slices and lettuce.

tunatroutsandwich by Akuokuo Vallis

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Confession (Refried Beans)

Ok.  Here’s what happened.  I, Pepper Stokes, was late for my paper route.  It was real early— maybe 3:30 or 4:00 in the morning.  I was late.  I mean real late.

I had to get to the newspaper depot quick.  So, I drove fast.  Real fast.  My lights weren’t even  on.

Then out from nowhere, this little— some—thing— jumped out in front of me.  I slammed on the brakes, switched on the lights and backed up a little.  “Lord, Jesus, just make it be well!”

Next thing I saw — there’s this little grayish-purplish-greenish-big-head-black-eyed-non-human-creature crawling on the hood of my truck.  I don’t know if it was an ET or an alien.   I knew it wasn’t an armadillo.  I reached for anything I could.  I only had my snack baggie of tortilla chips and refried beans.   I forgot the guacamole and salsa at home.  I was so late.  Anyway, I put the little ET guy on the side of the road with my snack pack.  I made sure it was ok.  Then, off I went.   I was real late.

Refried Beans

2 Tbsp. olive oil

1 shallot, chopped

2 garlic cloves, chopped

1 14 oz. can  pinto beans, including liquid

1 Tbsp. sour cream

salt

pepper

Heat oil in medium size sauce pot.  On medium-low heat, cook shallot and garlic for 3-5 minutes or until tender and lightly browned.  Add beans.  Mash beans with a large spoon or potato masher.  Add sour cream.  Season with salt and pepper.  Allow mixture to thicken on low heat for 3-5 minutes.  Serve with tortilla chips and salsa.

garlichead by Akuokuo Vallis

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The Intern (Ginger Tea)

Laverne Gideon was a second year medical student when she first encountered alien beings.  “At first, they just asked me a few questions about my lab experiments.  I really didn’t think anything of it.  My mother was abducted by aliens as a child.  I knew they would eventually make contact with me too.  It was actually a relief to finally meet them.  But, when they started taking over my life —I had no choice— I had to make them pay,” says Ms. Gideon while sipping ginger tea.

Ginger Tea

fresh ginger (2 inches–peeled and thickly sliced into about 4 or 5 pieces)

1/4 cup to 1/2 cup sugar

5 cups water

Place ginger, sugar and water in a pot.  Bring to a boil.  Reduce heat to low.  Cover and let simmer for 20 minutes.  Discard ginger slices.  Adjust sugar to taste.  Serve with lemon slices.

sugar

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Reality TV (Cranberry Relish)

In traditional alien arranged marriages, families do extensive research on each other  before popping the question.  However, on the new reality show,  Love TV,  it’s the producers who conduct the  background checks —  everything from college grades to favorite colors.  “Medical tests are compulsory.  But we also find out whether the future in-laws prefer the girls to cook traditional food or not.  Cooking ability is always a priority for aliens.  In alien arranged marriages, you don’t just marry the person, you marry all the culinary habits too,” said Sid Boiyt, the producer of Love TV.

Foe Gonga, a popular alien movie star, is the show’s host.   “A lot of people were so shocked to find out that I too had a traditional alien arranged marriage.  I could have dated anyone — from any galaxy.  But, I am a traditionalist at heart,” says Gonga.  Although, Mrs. Gonga claims to be a traditionalist, it was recently reported that in her household, it is not she but he who does all the cooking.

“The truth is, I love to cook– but I just do not have the time. I am so lucky that my dear husband, Mr. Sleevlok Gonga, enjoys pampering me with all the wonderful delicacies I crave.  He makes the best cranberry relish!   My home life may not be totally  traditional, but I still have a lot of fun with the show,” stated Mrs. Gonga.

Even though Love TV  has been number one for the last 9 weeks,  there are still critics.  One anonymous viewer wrote, “Why would an attractive, educated girl want to be ridiculed and pecked over like last night’s dinner by a series of random men?  The modern world has no use for such nonsense!”

In response to the criticism, the producer, Sid Boiyt, said, “Some of us would rather pretend that alien arranged marriages do not exist, but we all know that they do.  Why not make the process entertaining?  It’s a no stress, win-win.  Plus you get to sample the cooking without any obligation!  Who wouldn’t want that?”

Cranberry Relish

1 (12 oz.) bag fresh or frozen (thawed) cranberries

1 navel orange (zest from the orange plus orange slices without pith and peel)

3/4 cup sugar

dash of cinnamon

In food processor, process cranberries, orange zest, orange slices, sugar and cinnamon until finely chopped.  Place in bowl or plastic zippered bag.  Refrigerate overnight or up to 3 days before serving.

cranberries

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Rehearsal (Lemon Soda Pop Cake)

“My last day on Earth —  I’ll wake up, say a prayer, have breakfast,  then bake a Lemon Soda Pop Cake — a little memento for all the guys left behind.   Later, I’ll  walk down to the big box and get the  best seat in the house!  I’ll be smiling when they flat line me — ‘cause next thing I know— I’ll be waking up in the galaxy of fresh baked sweetness.  Beautiful!” — J. Best

Lemon Soda Pop Cake

3 sticks butter, unsalted, room temperature

3 cups sugar

5 eggs

3 cups flour

1/2 tsp. salt

1 Tbsp. fresh lemon juice

1 tsp. lemon zest (grated)

3/4  cup lemon soda (Italian)

1 tsp. vanilla

Preheat oven to 325 degrees.  Butter and flour a bundt pan.  Cream butter and sugar for 10 minutes. Add eggs, one at a time.  Beat well after each addition.  Add flour, salt, lemon juice, lemon zest, lemon soda and vanilla.  Mix well.  Pour into prepared pan.  Bake for 1 1/2 hours.  (Start checking for doneness after 1 hour and 20 minutes.)  Cool for 10 minutes in pan.  Remove from pan and place on a plate to cool.  Can be served warm or at room temperature.

lemons

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Dear Diary (Roasted Sweet Potatoes)

My screams did nothing but make me hoarse, my struggling did nothing  but get me bruised — I have to figure out a way to accept my life here on the “post” — as it’s called.

They  painted me silver.  I’m like a newborn alien baby— silver, shivering and afraid.

I think the  leader  must be sick.  He has a rash all over his body.  They won’t let me near him.

They squirt orange goop into my mouth—night and day.  I think it’s some kind of creature or maybe a computer program.

I found out that I was snatched by mistake— there was a false positive light spike near my house.

I have an escape plan.  No more orange goop for me.  Every chance I get —  I will spit it at them!

Back from isolation — my spit-a-thon was a bad idea!  On the bright side— I have a new hobby — recipes for the orange goop.  This morning I had roasted sweet potatoes.  Tomorrow, and the next day,  and the next day after that, I’m going to have more roasted sweet potatoes.

Roasted Sweet Potatoes

2 large Sweet Potatoes, washed, unpeeled

1-2 Tbsp. Butter, unsalted, sliced

Sea Salt

Cinnamon

Nutmeg

Honey or Lyle’s Golden Syrup

Preheat oven to 450 degrees.  Place washed sweet potatoes onto foil lined baking sheets. Poke with a fork in several places.  Bake for 1+1/2  –  2 hours or until tender.  Slice open and pat with butter.  Sprinkle with salt, cinnamon and nutmeg to taste.  Drizzle honey or Lyle’s Golden Syrup on top.  Serve.

roasted sweet potato

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Peace Kitchens (Salad Dressing)

Manganesh Mahesh Mahishi originally came to fame  25 years ago when he “landed on Earth from an undisclosed little pocket in the galaxy.”  Back then, Mahishi was interested in producing documentary films about paper plates.  Yesterday,  wearing a white robe and white flowers in his hair, Manganesh Mahesh Mahishi — now famously known as the founder of Peace Kitchens, Inc. — talked to an audience of 360 billion via closed circuit t.v.  His new mission: to establish cooking facilities in every corner of the universe to promote peace.

“Not only will those of you who decide to support our kitchens create peace in the cosmos, you will also insure that every being under, over and in the sun will eat.  Our kitchens will produce universe friendly foods.    Every time one of our meals is prepared, together we will send the message that peace is for real.  It is alive.  It will all begin with our powerful chefs  who are specially trained in the ancient art of yogic cooking.  This practice  sends out powerful vibrations that reduce stress, crime and violence.  With thousands of chefs practicing yogic cooking, peace will have no choice but to burst out all over.”  As an added benefit, Mahishi also described his plans for “unused food management.”  Mahishi said all unused food will be donated to local homeless shelters and low cost housing developments.

Over the last year, Mahishi has already established a few test Peace Kitchens in the US.  “The results have already surpassed our initial hopes,” said Mahishi.

Mahishi also announced plans for pre-packaged Peace Kitchens’ salad dressing to be sold around the globe.   “This way everyone can have a reminder of our Peace Kitchens’ mission,” stated a serene Mr. Mahishi.   He ended his press conference by urging all “to consciously promote peace.  Let Peace Kitchens show you the way.”

Salad Dressing

1 Tbsp. dijon mustard

2 garlic cloves, chopped

1 shallot, chopped

1 inch piece of fresh ginger, peeled and grated or minced

1/2 cup olive oil

1 tsp. peanut butter (or other nut butter)

3 Tbsp. seasoned rice wine vinegar

salt

pepper

Place mustard, garlic, shallot, ginger, oil, vinegar and peanut butter in a blender.  Mix  well.  Season to taste with salt and pepper.

lettuce

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Ape House (Applesauce)

Marcia Flemming has no patience for people who claim they have been abducted by aliens from outer space, or any such nonsense.  “I consider myself a rational person,” she says as she tosses an apple slice to Lulu, a beautiful jet black 5 year old female ape.  Marcia Flemming is her caretaker.

Marcia has taught Lulu everything she knows.  Even sign language.  This is how they communicate.  This is also how Lulu told Marcia  about her travels to outer space and the many extraterrestrial visitors that have visited her inside the ape house at the zoo.

“When Lulu first started mentioning all this stuff, I thought someone had brought in a television and maybe showed Lulu  a few too many alien shows.   But when I noticed a change in her eating habits, I knew this was more than just t.v. talk.  Something must have truly happened to Lulu.  I believe her alien stories.”

Marcia described an afternoon 3 years ago, when she was ready to feed Lulu lunch.  Reportedly, Lulu stood up on her legs and lifted her hands and head upward.  She then signed a message to Marcia that Marcia knew she must have mistaken.  “You say aliens, little ladybugs, came and abducted you and took you back to their planet and made you high priestess of their cooking church?  A cooking church?” Marcia repeatedly questioned her.

Lulu said she didn’t want to go back to their planet because they did weird experiments on her and made her eat all kinds of strange stuff.  Then they asked her to describe what she liked or disliked about the food.   According to Ms. Fleming, Lulu is also a master of “far-sight” or “remote viewing.”  She can see distances not normally possible without high powered lenses  — distances that are thousands of miles away.  Lulu says she can see that the aliens are making their way back to Earth.  They want her to travel the universe in their “High-Priestess-of-the-Cooking-Church” lecture tour.  Lulu is so afraid of these aliens that she has  asked to be bleached white.   She wants to hide in the polar bear exhibit until “the aliens find some other high priestess to pick on.”

As Marcia related the story, Lulu started breathing very heavily and beating her chest.  She smeared applesauce all over herself and  hid underneath a white floor mat.

Applesauce

4  granny smith apples, peeled, cored and chopped

1/2 cup water

3 Tbsp. sugar

Place chopped apples in a saucepan.  Add 1/2 cup water.   Stir in sugar.  Bring to a boil.  Cook on medium-low heat for 15-20 minutes or until tender.  Remove from heat.   Mash apples with a  large fork or potato masher.  Add more sugar, if desired.  Can be served warm, room temperature or cold.

apples

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Alien Inspired (sautéed corn)

Alien inspired makeup is everywhere these days.  From bold multi-colored lips to strong eyes— this season is no time to be shy.  And… it’s a lot easier than you think to duplicate those extra large eyes and candy colored  lips.  It was not too long ago that words like “alienesque” and “clownish” connoted silvery-skin undertones and a lip-smacking drip of red paint splattered all over  the mouth.  Now, however,  alienesque means the highest of haute couture and clownish means, “Honey, you have a-r-r-i-v-e-d!”  Thanks to “mega-mega-mega” stars Kokiko and Jillie-B,  those sisters from Hinyo planet, we can all learn a thing or two about being proud of our uniqueness.   Now that Kokiko and Jillie-B have their own make-up line out (K-J-B Color Box)–all we have to do is connect the dots and, voila–we too can  have the look!  What could be simpler?  When asked what the inspiration for this season’s color palette was, Kokiko explains, “My mother’s sautéed corn.  All of our 6 foundation shades are derived from mom’s favorite recipes.  For the lips–we were inspired by mom’s frosting!   Mother prefers candy pink, but we’ve added a few other pastels for contrast.”  Jillie-B emphasizes that,  “It is ok, ladies, to wear stripes on your lips!”  As an added bonus, K-J-B Color Box has 5 of their mom’s favorite recipes  on the back of each K-J-B Color Box product.  Thanks to Kokiko and Jillie-B,  we can now look and even cook like aliens too!

Sautéed Corn

1 Tbsp. butter, unsalted

1 Tbsp. olive oil

1 shallot, chopped

1 garlic clove, chopped

fresh corn kernels, cut from 4 ears of shucked corn

salt

pepper

Heat butter and olive oil in large skillet.  Add shallot, garlic and a dash of salt.   Stir frequently on low heat until tender, about 2-3 minutes.  Increase heat to medium-high.  Add fresh corn kernels and cook, stirring often, until tender and nicely browned, about 5 minutes or more.  Season to taste with salt and pepper. Serve.

UFO COOKBOOK “KJB COLOR BOX/ Alien inspired” episode from Akuokuo Vallis on Vimeo.

sauteed cornkokiko

jillie-b by Akuokuo Vallis

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The Beginning

Welcome to UFO COOKBOOK– a short term, 13 week  art project.  Enjoy the videos and the recipes!

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